Comparisons

Current mood:thoughtful

I just had a great conversation today with a friend of mine and she has been having some issues with a "friend" concerning a "Drive by Love you!"...(for some of you that is meeting someone great and really into you and tells you they want you and then BOOM! they bail!) Ok, we have all heard the words when they come back days later, weeks later, even months later....

Let's go down the list quickly:

"I was scared because: (fill in your blank)"

"I felt that you were going to fast for me, but I realized: (fill in your blank)"

"I didn't realize I cared about you this much until: (fill in your blank)

"In my last realtionship(marriage) things happened that I thought: (fill in your blank):

and finally,

"Well, what about you? You didn't have to(blank) and it scared me."

Now usually we will think the worst of ourselves but to be honest, it usually means they are still looking over the fence to see if the grass is really greener and really just want you there to lean against in case it isn't.(CHECK,CHECK! STAND BY IN 5..) But in some rare occasions, we do meet people who are generally terrified of getting into a relationship but are just tired of being alone. A FLOATER! LOL

Now most of this takes place in the "phone call" that is placed by the perpetrator (yes, that is what they are! you read correctly). Now this does sound a bit cynical in writing but stay with me here. Now my friend has decided to give this person another chance and for that I have nothing but happiness in my heart to know I have a compassionate and passionate friend in my life of this caliber. Some might say she is crazy, some might say she is understanding, and as for me I say just get happy my friend, yet I find myself also thinking and wishing her a warning too.

Now as I read the things he told her about why "he disappeared and changed so suddenly" I really started to feel a familiar feeling. I have heard all these things in my past as well, and if I really sat down to think, I bet I've even said them to someone. I also know how empty those words are ....in my experience, they have always been. Now, I am compassionate to an umpteenth degree, but usually that is the beginning of the end. My experience has taught me that if they'll do it once, they'll do it over and over...passive aggressive, hot or cold, what ever you want to call it. Definition of insanity: doing the same thing, the same way, over and over again believing you'll get a different outcome THIS TIME!

Now, most of the "phrases" used above, in my opinion are truly excuses. Plain and simple, neat and clean. They are COMPARISONS! Unrequired, unnecessary, and unwanted. If someone meets you and really likes you then they should also want to meet YOU! Take you for yourself....not to see if you are as close to what they lost as it can get. They 'll either make the changes in themselves or blame you for not changing to make them comfortable...this is "forcing the ideal" and none of us can make that happen. They won't be able to let go of the comparisons and you will be insulted by it and this works vice versa also.

You don't have to filet yourself like a fish to be open with someone but you do have to be objective....When I have a conversation with a woman and she is willing to talk, I really listen...if all she can do is badmouth the last guy then I get a bit suspicious...I realize how relationships work...I can appreciate a person more who will be more objective than subjective. I know I was not perfect in my past but I feel great that I took steps to look at myself and see where I have problems and work to change those things. I bet if you were to talk to an ex they would probably open your eyes after you got past all the "they're an asshole and I was perfect" BS...Unless you have a pattern, how can you compare anything...assumptions are usally used as comparisons. Hence the confusion!

Comparisons are easy outs, excuses to run, hide, and even cheat if used correctly. These are leeches to our basic need to want to be compassionate, to rescue something or someone. I don't blame my ex's for my actions with someone else, and you shouldn't allow it either. Acceptance, understanding and care are wonderful things and so many many times they are taken for granted, feared, or even ridiculed. Should you hide or withhold those things from anyone? NO WAY! SHARE THEM FREELY! BE PROUD YOU ARE THAT BEAUTIFUL! Should you allow them to be abused with comparisons to be manipulated...HELL NO! You are the healthy one, you are the light that attracted them, darkness always gravitates toward the light. Shine all of you! VERY, VERY BRIGHTLY!

But what do I know? I'm still single and not in love....LOL...BUT I HAVE AN UNLIMITED AND UNDYING AMOUNT OF HOPE!